There was never a better time to face my perfectionism than just before the holiday season.
Every decision was taking too much time and too much energy.
Which gifts should I buy? (And are they exactly as I imagined?)
What should I write on the cards? (That one took my procrastination to the next level of things taking foreeeveeeer.)
I want to buy a real tree this time. How big should it be?
Which cookies to bake? And what chocolate should we use?
When can I still make time to meet-up with friends?
What’s the best time to sort out grocery shopping to avoid crowds in the store?
Is 7am on a Sunday really a good time to meet-up for breakfast in the city?
I think I need more extension cables… definitely.
“If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.” – Tallulah Bankhead
Wanting everything to be “just perfect” is “being afraid of making a mistake” in disguise. But sometimes, that’s not such a bad thing, as letting go and making some mistakes along the way might be about the only thing that will get you your sanity back.
And so I’m going to have to live with the fact that:
- I didn’t write the perfect card to everyone on my list. (Some of them are just ok. But a card sent is better than a card meticulously planned in my head without ever reaching the recipient, right?)
- My apartment has not been renovated this year, and so my dream of a first real tree in a newly renovated apartment will have to be replaced with a new dream of the smell of a real tree right here, right now. (And the perfect image can be here next time, or not…)
- I’m not going to make the tiny, cute and delicious gingerbread cookies this year, even though I had done so for years now, every year. (Instead, this time I’ll bake cookies that take an afternoon to make and decorate, as opposed to hours and hours of labour spread across a whole week, because… well… time)
- I’ll meet up with some friends, while I won’t see others. (Even though I dearly, dearly wanted to reach out to so many more people – in person and online)
- My to-do list has gotten cut, drastically, and I won’t be doing ALL the things I thought would be nice to get done – in order to make space for actual rest. (But the thought still lingers at the back of my head that I’m neglecting tasks, people, responsibilities...)
I’m going to have to live with those things.
But what I couldn’t live with is the thought that I squandered my entire holidays and time off on running errands and making my to-do list happy, while forgetting to have any rest and actually enjoy myself.
That would be hard to forgive.
The other things I can learn to live with.
And one last note: you cannot have too many extension cables, really.
For this special season (and my favourite part of the year) I want to wish you Happy Holidays! Take some time off if you can, rest, reflect and enjoy the time with your loved ones. And then have a wonderful start into the New Year. :)
With so much (imperfect) love,